I haven't updated in forever. I've been super-busy with school. I wouldn't even be updating now, except I really need to vent, and since I am living with my parents... and they are currently home... I can't call any of my friends and do it over the phone.
This past year I returned to school. I've been doing better than I ever have. I'm on the Dean's List, a member of the Honors College and accepted to a fantastic study abroad program in Japan. I couldn't be happier with all of this. I am supposed to be leaving for Japan on August 31st. I am supposed to be living and studying in Japan for a year. Problem is, it costs money. I have exhausted my financial aid and federal grants and loans. I've been denied every scholarship I have applied for (out of the few that I qualified for, because apparently 26 is too old to apply for a scholarship), I applied for a Sallie Mae loan and got denied because my credit was destroyed when I got laid off, and I still have 20 thousand dollars to come up with somehow in the four months before I leave. I have a couple of fund raising ideas that I will put into effect as soon as I get my next check... but I'm freaking out. I'm really thinking that after all of the stress of the application process and getting accepted and finally feeling like I was doing the right thing with my life that I'm not going to get to do it because it's just FAR too much money. I asked my dad to co-sign on a loan with me and he just can't do it. I asked him if there were someone else he could think of that I could ask, if he thought it would be bad to ask my grandparents and he said that there is NO WAY I should even ask. I feel like a loser sitting in my room crying over this. I mean, I've still got four months to try and figure something out... but right now I'm just feeling like it's impossible.
Please excuse that there is pretty much one giant run-on sentence, but I just can't care about grammar when I'm this upset. I guess venting about it didn't really make me feel that much better.