Well, Thanksgiving went well. I realized halfway through the night that if I get accepted to JCMU for the full year that I wont be sharing Thanksgiving with my family next year... which then made me think of Christmas, New Years, Birthdays... a whole year of events that I wont be around for. It's sad, especially now that Noah is starting to walk, and talk and things. I don't want to miss his second birthday. At the same time it made me think- "Wow, this time next year I could be in Japan... and that's so sweet!"

I've got about a million homework assignment to do today. My teachers all gave me a ton of work to do over break. They are trying to squeeze any extra knowledge that they can out of us before the year is over I'm sure. Only two weeks left! I'm so excited. This semester has gone by really fast. I'm so happy that I am finally back in school and that the end is in my sights. I have A Plan now. After a year in Japan I should have a few more semesters to get my degree, then I'm going to go for my Masters. Unless I win the lottery or something I will be living with my parents until then, because I realize now that the only way I'm going to make it through school financially is if I live with as few financial burdens as possible, which means rent, utilities, and I also save a lot on food costs. So I will be here till I am 30-ish. Eesh. I guess the idea doesn't bother me as much as it used to. It's tough economic times, sacrifices must be made. Like personal freedom.

I should have every debt I've ever incurred paid off by the time I go to Japan. That will feel nice. I've already knocked out quite a few of them... but there are a couple of big ones that I need to pay off. In the spring I've decided I'm going to drag everything from my storage space out and have a giant yard sale. By the time I have my own place to put all that stuff, it will have cost me ten times more that if I just bought it new. I'm going to make a list of all of the things I have and post in in my journal... so if anybody wants/needs anything they can let me know and I'll give you the buddy discount :) I've got like thirteen boxes alone of just kitchen supplies... so if anyone likes to cook... keep an eye out. My beautiful matching coffee machine and microwave... both brand new... both sitting in storage for a year now. So many things... I will miss them.

So, my first semester at EMU is almost over. I just finished registering for next semester. I am thrilled that I am finally getting my life together. Next September I will be going to live in Japan for a year, going to school at JCMU in Shiga. I'm really excited but also panicked on how I am going to come up with not only the money to pay for school itself, but I have to bring all of my spending money for the year since I am not allowed to hold a job in Japan with a student visa.

I'm also really glad that I made the decision to start from scratch as far as Japanese courses go, because while I could have tested into a higher level, I now feel much more comfortable with the foundation of the language and it has been making new concepts a lot easier to grasp. Not that my Japanese is very good mind you... I still have a ways to go.

My nephew took his first steps on my sister's birthday last week. I think that's awesome. Also, her husband has been doing a lot better. I know some of you knew he was going through a difficult time with his cancer and the surgeries and recovery weren't going as planned (reminds me of someone else I know... ) but he is doing great now and returning to work soon.

I apologize to people who wait at this journal for news of fan-fiction updates and I apologize for letting you down thus far. I've tried to continue writing several times and it just isn't working out. I do plan to eventually finish Boy Who Cried Potter... but once I can manage to finish it... I'm pretty sure that's going to be it for me as far as fan-fics go.

I guess that's all I have to say for now. It seems like over such a long period of time I might have more to say... but I've got nothing.

So... this is just a note to let everyone know what I'm going to be doing sometime this weekend.

I am deleting about a million of my entries, re-vamping my layout, doing a friends cut... and starting semi fresh. I've been wanting to do this for a while now. Mostly, it's because there are several fandoms that I do not take an active part in anymore. I still enjoy the things, but I am sort of turned off by a lot of the things I see in fandom in general, and this time away has really made me realize that I don't need it. I plan on working on getting

I am back with the internet now! Yippee!

Updates:

I am officially living in Kalamazoo with a group of friends. We hi-jacked Melanie's old futon bunk in the middle of the night and I now rest peacefully on the top bunk :) I always wanted a bunk bed growing up... so this is like a life long dream come true. It's like a sleepover party every night with Kim and Dan sharing the bunk under mine. Woo for living out childhood dreams!

I have yet to receive my unemployment money, and I actually got a letter the other day saying that I didn't qualify because I "voluntarily quit" my job... which is bull, so I called my previous employer and told them the issues I have been having and about the letter and they got it cleared up (I hope) and I should finally get a check within the next two weeks.

My birthday is fast approaching. This Saturday! I'm 25, halfway through 30 already and still no kisses! My new year's resolution is to meet more people. This is a good area to do that, seeing as how it is a college town, there are a million kids my age here.

Um... what else... Kim, Dan and I recorded ourselves singing a song and Dan flipped out about it and is now insisting we do Open Mic @ this local coffee place.

Reveals were posted for hd_holidays so I can finally post my story in my own journal, though I plan to add to it, because there were things I wanted to get more in-depth with that I didn't get the chance to because of time constraints. I am also taking part in hd_worldcup for the first time this year, so I'm pumped about that.

Also, I will be able to resume "Boy Who Cried Potter"... finally.

My sister had her baby! Dec, 31st 2008: ( Look at the cute! )

That's all really.

I'm very glad to be back!

Have been without internet for a bit now...

At my parent's for the Holidays.....

Returning the eve after...

Will be without internet again...

indefinitely.





Woe.

It feels like right now in my life everything is changing.

I'm a bit afraid to see where this leaves me, but at the same time I woke up this morning with a strange sort of optimism. Like all the things that are happening right now are taking me in the direction I was meant to have gone in some time past. I feel like there is something waiting for me that is going to be a part of who I am for the rest of my life once I find it.

Tomorrow is my last day here in the office, and this weekend will be the first time I'm moving more than ten minutes away from where I grew up. My sister is going to have her baby, most likely next week. I'm leaving behind a friend who I haven't been away from since we became friends in the first place. I just lost a friendship that I thought I would have till I died. I'll be going to school somewhere new, with renewed purpose.

It's all very horrifying. I've been extremely emotional this past week. I'm strangely emotional typing this --I feel a thrill at the possibilities and opportunities I know wait for me, but upset about all the things that I'm moving away from. The differing emotions are sort of making me nauseous.

I know this is the right thing to do. Every instinct tells me it is... but I'm scared. That my instincts are wrong. That I'm making a rolling snowball of bad decisions.

When I think about Noah, my sister's soon-to-be son, and playing with him, and his little baby face smiling... I have to fight not to cry with how happy it makes me. It's the main reason why I am making this move. At the same time... it makes me equally upset thinking that this move was a large catalyst to the friendship I recently lost, a friendship that I thought I would have with and around me if and when I ever had a child of my own.

But I know this move is something I need. I can tell, I just *know*, that my life is meant to go this way --but what if it's not?

I always thought I was someone who could roll with the punches, but this whole thing has me on the verge of a breakdown. How can one small move feel like the best thing in the world but fill me with dread I have never known so completely? I feel like this move is the metaphorical fork in the road. The one big thing that will make the difference in the end.

Maybe it's just that it's happening so fast, or that it's happening so soon, but I feel like I'm not ready for whatever chapter I'm on, but that I would be making a huge mistake if I didn't go ahead.

I got new glasses yesterday, and in a strange way I feel like I've got a whole new face... and I just hope that it's the right one to head into this with.

Well, I knew it would eventually come to this, because you can't be an Auto Supplier in Michigan without feeling the wrath of the economy.

A bunch of people were let go today. In an attempt to avoid this, my company did the 'partial layoffs' that I fell victim to a couple months ago, the reason why I had to move back in with Mom and Dad. Today it got a lot worse. Luckily, I am the only person in the company that knows how to do certain aspects of my job, that HAVE to get done... so instead of getting laid off, effective the 15th of December, I will be working on an 'as needed' basis. So there might be times when I don't work at all, and other times when I am very busy.

It was awkward, my boss was crying while telling me, but I had already prepared myself. I felt strange trying to reassure her that everything was going to be okay, even when she kept telling me that it wasn't okay. I'm the least of my concern. I would be upset if they didn't cut my hours, not that I don't want a job, but I don't have children to support, I don't have a house to lose... many of the people who were laid off today do. I know one person, who for a fact, is going to lose her house... and I'm supposed to be upset for myself?

Some of these people have worked for the company for thirty years... and I just started a year and a half ago... I can't bring myself to feel bad for my own sake. I feel horrible for everyone else, and guilty that I get to keep my job at all. I feel bad for Betty, for the stress she put herself through having to tell me that I was going to loose more hours, and my benefits.

It's going to be a long, cold winter.

I am sending out holiday cards again this year.

If you would like one (because who doesn't like receiving cards?) leave your address in a comment to this SCREENED post.

I am hand making the cards (per usual) and will include happy good-time thoughts.

So... leave me your address... and I'll send you a card. :)

I know I have said this before... but I am going to be continuing Boy Who Cried Potter. I have been crazy stressed and have crazy issues lately which is why I haven't been around.

I am going to be moving again in about a week. I am moving to Kalamazoo to be closer to my sister, who is due to have her baby between the 11th and 25th of December. I'll be living with friends, who I've lived with before. I also would like to go back to school, and the community college near her offers a degree that I am interested in, and all of my credits will transfer, so that's good. They also have a couple of certificate programs that I am excited to go for.

Things on the work front have been stressful. I've been super busy because we always have a lot of changes that need to be made at the end of the year with the Websites/Catalogs/Price Lists. Especially now, with the economy and the scary situation with the Auto Industry here (my company is an auto supplier based in Michigan), many of our product lines have become more expensive.

Living with my parents has been stressing me out. I've mentioned before that my mother is a little bit nutty and I guess since I have moved away my parents stopped sleeping in the same room, and they turned what was my room into an office, so when I moved back... I'm sleeping in the room with the one computer that we all share, that runs like molasses, and that my mom likes to be on late at night. Also, I think I mentioned this before, but my car broke, and I still haven't gotten a new one. My mom has been driving me to work in the mornings and I absolutely fear for my life. She is one of the most horrifying drivers on the road and I consider it a miracle that she hasn't killed anyone yet.

That's another good thing about moving to K-zoo, free public transit for students.

I've recently had a strange sort of falling out with one of my closest friends, which has got me down.

I've been feeling very lonely again, which is nothing new I guess, but I just wish it were easier to meet new people.

I had a lot of stress with my hd_holidays fic. I was so excited to participate and I had wanted to for the last couple years and it just seems like every possible thing that could have gone wrong, did. I managed to get it in (with some crazy extensions), I just wish I could be more proud of it. The whole thing kind of left me frustrated because of my file issues, and beta issues, and then after re-reading my fic... I'm not even sure I like it. Plus, my person requested humor, and I've been feeling anything but humorous lately.

I don't know. I guess I'm just feeling very blah about everything lately. Hopefully the move, and living with friends again, and being near my sister and my soon to be nephew will pull me out of this five month long funk.

OMG!!!